My arthritis has been acting up lately. Had some decent sized flareups, which is unusual, since I have been pretty free of them for almost 7-8 years. I thought it might be because that I stopped taking one of my medications. Methotrexate is a cancer treatment drug that somehow helps against rheumatoid arthritis, they don't know how. So a cancer treatment, sooo, chemotherapy is what I am taking. And yes when I take it, it makes me sick for like 24 hours. I got tired of feeling that way and stopped taking it. I still had my infusion every other month and I was doing fine. That was more than 6 months ago.
Sure it could be the fact that the weather has gotten colder and more damp and that is helping to trigger these things but I have a dark feeling that it is more than that. I have a feeling that I have built up an immunity to the wonder drug that has helped keep me foot loose and fancy free.
This morning is the worse I have been since the old days. Everything hurts. Bad. Even my hands have given up on me today and that is the first time since I don't know when. And Shannon has to work, so I am taking care of the kids today. I don't have the slightest idea how I am going to. Like how I used to operate under these conditions I guess. One step at a time. And that is quite a literal statement when I say that.
Shan had to get ready for work and the baby had just woken up so I had to feed her. It took me a half hour to get out of bed, get dressed, pick up the baby (which hurt so bad I cried) and got her changed and got to the front room. I managed to fit in a short breakdown as I was changing her. Just started crying and thinking dismal thoughts. The pain, both physical and emotional. How am I supposed to take care of a my family like this? How if this was even a remote possibility I shouldn't have gotten married and had kids. This isn't fair to them. Luckily Little peed all over and I got it together so I get things all cleaned up.
I have taken a huge dose of advil and vicodin to help. It doesn't take the pain away per se but makes me a little numb towards it. Numb is good. Numb is welcomed right now.